Monster Raving Loony Party - the manifesto

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One of Britain's best-loved political parties has made a series of eye-catching proposals in their manifesto.

The Monster Raving Loony Party is fielding up to 50 candidates across the country at the general election.

Nutty Farrquha Perigrine Parker is contesting Welwyn Hatfield, Howling 'Laud' Hope will stand in Witney against David Cameron and Knigel Knapp will take on Diane Abbott in Hackney North and Stoke Newington.

Among their 98 election proposals is a change to the way we vote in elections.

The MRLP questions why voters mark a cross in the box, as that normally means "that's wrong". They propose a tick.

"Putting a cross next to someone's name on the ballot paper is as good as writing 'monumental c--k up' next to their name," according to the manifesto.

The Official Monster Raving Loony Party was founded in 1982 by the late Screaming Lord Sutch.

This election the Loonies propose a knighthood for Ozzy Osborne, sending the UK's traffic wardens to Iraq to give tickets to US tanks and a minimum of two nuclear war drills a day, "to keep the nation on its toes".

Under a Loonie administration, government whips will only be used if a politician has been really bad.

"Minor offences should receive the political slipper."

On transport, they propose "dedicated pogo stick lanes on routes to centres of work" and allowing hovercrafts on all terrain, "meaning they can spread out, take short cuts and go on water etc".

"As they are inflatable, being hit by one will be less painful."

BA flight attendants will face new laws ordering them to cheer up.

The party also proposes creating 13th month, "to get all those little things out of the way, the things you just never had time to do, like take out the trash, vote in a general election, learn Latin".

The Loonies have been boosted this year by a sponsorship deal with bookmaker William Hill.

The party will be renamed as the Monster Raving Loony William Hill Party as part the deal which also offered every candidate the opportunity to win back their £500 deposit by placing a bet on the number of votes they poll.

However, the main parties have little to fear.

In a press release the Loonies said:

"No member of the Loony Party has ever managed to retain a deposit, let alone be elected, and Lord Sutch was always adamant that if a candidate did manage to win a seat in parliament he would be drummed out of the party!"

William Hill said they are proud to be associated with Britain's most colourful party.

"We believe that parties like the Loony Party are an essential part of British democracy and eccentricity and that the world would be a poorer place if there was no room in politics for a little harmless levity," said William Hill media relations director Graham Sharpe.

"We have agreed a substantial sponsorship deal with the party which includes a change of name during the general election campaign to reflect our involvement with them."

Screaming Lord Sutch stood unsuccessfully for election to parliament on a record 41 occasions and died in 1999.

READ THE MONSTER RAVING LOONY PARTY MANIFESTO: http://bit.ly/3bWGGS

Also standing in Hackney North and Stoke Newington: Darren Caplan (Conservatives), Keith Angus (Lib Dem), Suzanne Moore (Independent) and Matt Sellwood (Green).

Also standing in Witney: Dawn Barnes (Lib Dem), Joe Goldberg (Labour), Stuart Macdonald (Green), Count Nikolai Tolstoy-Miloslavsky (Ukip), Paul Weeson (Independent), Magus Shadee (New World Party).

Also standing in Welwyn Hatfield: Mike Hobday (Labour), Grant Shapps (Conservative), Jill Weston (Greens) and Paul Zukowskyj (Lib Dem).

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