What a relief. The end of my third Parliament is not tinged with sadness like the others. We face an election far more likely to result in a change of government than any since 1997, but MPs scuttle away from the Commons with little obvious excitement.
While glad to be away from the toxic environment Parliament has been for the last year, I am equally conscious of the horrible mess that awaits the lucky winners who come back in May. It’s funny how the only happy faces in the Tea Room last week seemed to be those of colleagues not seeking re-election.
Friday, April 9
It seems churlish to stop offering a service just because someone has rudely interrupted us by calling an election, so my Friday and Saturday surgeries continue. Today, still as an MP: for the next couple of weeks, just as a helpful citizen. I have the usual eclectic mixture of immigration, a case for the Ombudsman, and welfare issues. Why is it that Disability Living Allowance goes only to one parent, even if both share the care of their disabled child?
Out on the campaign trail, we are basking in South Manchester sunshine and people are much more inclined to talk about the weather than the election. The national campaign seems to hinge on long lists of business leaders who are declaring their support for the Conservative pledge not to put a tax on jobs. Here in Altrincham, I find everyone agrees with my assessment that the weather is glorious, so I mostly stick to that. I am thrilled to canvass a lady who says she is a life-long socialist but will vote for me personally. It is always nice to meet people of taste.
Saturday, April 10
I wake to hear that even more business leaders have agreed that Labour’s jobs tax is silly.
I am delivering on my pledge to keep the sun shining. The traditional launch of my campaign is a walkabout in Ashton-upon-Mersey village. This morning we outnumber the shopping public by about two to one, and most of them promise their support without putting up a fight. One old gentleman says he won’t vote because of all the ‘fiddlers at Westminster’, but kindly concedes that doesn’t include me... so he changes tack and says instead that he won’t vote, because no-one is tough enough on immigration. As a supporter of the principle that we must all be free to be grumpy and difficult in our old age, I bid him a cheery farewell.
On to Timperley – the part of my constituency where I grew up – but surprisingly the (superb) Timperley Brass Band isn’t playing to welcome me back, and local celebrity Frank Sidebottom appears to be otherwise engaged, so I make my annual appearance at the Arthritis Care coffee morning instead. This is one official function that my son has always enjoyed because he wins armfuls of prizes on the tombola. If he grows up with a gambling problem, this will be why.
The Brady Bunch move on through Hale and Hale Barns and into Altrincham town centre, where I meet almost no-one who lives in my patch – but do my bit for the cause in Crewe, Bury and two of the Bolton seats, without the carbon footprint that an actual visit would entail.
Sunday, April 11
Now nearly everyone running a business has agreed that taxing jobs is not a good idea. All of the readable Sunday papers agree that the Tories have won week one.
No campaigning today, but an 8.30 start to wave off a 14-mile sponsored walk for the League of Friends of Altrincham Hospital – a happy occasion for those of us who have campaigned several times against closure (announced most recently the day after the 2005 election). Immediately after this year’s polls, we are looking forward to the announcement of the winning tender for the new Altrincham General.
Pathetically, I excuse myself from joining the walk so as not to risk impairing my blitzkrieg campaigning in the weeks ahead.
Monday, April 12
The Telegraph front page splashes Sutton Trust research showing how grammar schools are better at giving opportunities to people of all backgrounds than comprehensives. We have known this for some time here in Trafford.
Drop car for MoT at Money Save Services, thinking this sets the right tone for a down-on-his-uppers backbencher. I am sure that many people think that the ‘political classes’ don’t have to do mundane things like worrying whether their car will pass its MoT. Sadly we do.
In the previous two elections I was on the front bench, but even when I was shadow Europe minister and it was my responsibility to say nothing about Europe during the 2005 campaign, I failed miserably and did some national media on the subject.
This time it is easier. I know that I should say nothing about anything, so I decline a bid from the Today Programme to do a piece on the ‘modern Northern Tory’ and how many seats we will win in Greater Manchester, Lancashire and Yorkshire.
The more I think about it, the more I kick myself. I am increasingly certain that the BBC wanted to do a very positive piece about how the need to return to sane economic policy appeals just as much in the North as everywhere else.
Spend much of the afternoon filling in the pile of unnecessary forms that now have to be completed by candidates. I hope this nonsense will be one of the first things cut by a new Conservative government. Somehow the form-filling hasn’t increased public trust for their elected representatives.
In Broadheath I talk to a couple who maintain a lovely flower bed on the roundabout outside their house. Resolve to contact CCHQ to say that this could be the germ of a big idea... why not harness this kind of enlightened self-interest for the wider public good?
Tuesday April, 13
I hear William Hague on the Today Programme, explaining our ‘free schools’ policy by saying that people want schools that are in the state sector but not run by the state sector. I haven’t been awake for long but it sounds vaguely familiar...
The next item tells us that Cuba is planning the privatisation of thousands of hairdressers and beauty parlours. It can only be days until Fernando and José announce their support for Conservative plans to axe Labour’s jobs tax.
Open my emails to find one from David Cameron: ‘An invitation to Graham Brady to join the Government of Britain’. After only seconds of confusion about the date, I realise that this is being sent to more than just a few distinguished colleagues.
The Conservative Party launches its manifesto at Battersea Power Station. Thank heavens CCHQ has sent me a ‘line to take’ in dealing with any absurd suggestions that a redundant power station is a metaphor for anything remotely connected to the Conservative Party. Thank heavens again that nobody asks me what I think, and therefore I have no need of the line to take.
I am excited to hear that the party is now promoting my idea for people to maintain their own roundabouts, schools and police commissioners. Radio 4, Labour and Lib Dem leader Mr Gonzalez Durantez apparently say that people haven’t the time or inclination to tend their own roundabouts. How wrong they are.
Wednesday, April 14
Recognising that not all Boltonians shop in Altrincham of a Saturday, I lead a determined raiding party to Bolton in support of Susan Williams – one of the excellent Altrincham and Sale diaspora fighting seats in the Conservative interest, spread from Blackpool North to Hampshire East.
Susan has come a long way since I canvassed her in her front garden and recruited her to the party. The media has taken to her and I think the people of Bolton will too.
Thursday, April 15
The first of the great debates is due this evening. As the political glitterati are whisked out of one Granada studio, Andy Burnham, Tim Farron and Graham Brady will be smuggled into the studio next door to comment on their performance. Which of these two great broadcast events is more likely to deliver the vital North West marginals that hold the keys to Downing Street? Only history will tell.
