A senior Conservative frontbencher has called on his party to end its "cold war" against the gay community.

Speaking at a fringe meeting, the frontbencher John Bercow said it was time to re-consider attitudes to clause 28 and gay marriage.

"We must end once and for all, if we are serious about our politics, the cold war between the Conservative Party and the gay and lesbian community," said the shadow chief secretary to the Treasury.

In what was the first speech by a member of the shadow cabinet to a gay group, Bercow made a series of radical comments that will cause consternation amongst the party's traditionalist rank and file.

He told the audience at a meeting organised by the gay rights groups Torch and Stonewall that the party was homophobic.

"In the last parliament we were widely and justifiably regarded as shrill, homophobic and eerily detached from the reality of lives of a great many of our fellow citizens," he said.

He began by pre-empting speculation as to why he had decided to speak at a meeting organised by gay activists.

"Cynicism abounds in politics. It is very difficult, and sometimes it is well nigh impossible, for a politician to say anything without other more suspicious characters assigning to him or her ulterior motives. In anticipation of this problem I would like to pose and answer three questions that lurk in the inner-most recesses of the most suspicious and febrile of minds in our media as far as I am concerned," he said.

"Is he gay? Does this mean he's coming out? Has he got a hidden agenda? The answer to all three questions is no. It simply happens to be the case that Ihave become persuaded that the Conservative belief in One Nation, where we have a Conservative belief in equality before the law, it should make it less difficult for Conservatives to address and embrace elements of the gay rights agenda," Bercow told the audience.

He admitted that he had been wrong to vote against lowering the age of consent.

"Even when I voted for what was then the status quo I was not sure in my own mind that I was right. I went away, I reflected on it and I spoke to a great many people in the gay community .and I changed my mind," he said.

He accepted that the legislation did not protect young people and other EU countries had equalised legislation without disastrous consequences.

"I have always maintained that is more important to be right than being consistent," he said.

He welcomed a decision to review his party's opposition to Section 28 hinting in heavily couched language that he was now in favour of its abolition. Bercow called for the issue to be made an issue of conscience rather than being debated along party lines.

"It ought in fairness to be said that review and change are not synonymous. The fact that we say we will review something does not automatically commit us to change things but it poses the possibility for change," he explained.

"I think it is important that we should approach this in a non-party political manner. There are many issues on which we can argue forcefully, passionately, aggressively with others but I do not think section 28 is one of those issues," he said.

He admitted that his party was out of touch on gay rights.

"It is only when you reflect upon your Conservative principles on the one hand and the reality of life on the ground on the other, that you become conscious of the disparity, sometimes amounting to a chasm between the two," he said.

Bercow argued that next-of-kin rights should be revised and, although he did not back gay marriage, he called on the Treasury to produce figures on the likely impact of legislation. He said an argument could be made in favour of them especially as many EU countries recognised gay marriage.

"It is not the most astonishing phenomenon," he said before adding "it would not mark the end of civilisation" if gay marriages were to be given legal recognition.

He cited the contribution gays and lesbians had made to British society saying his party should "not tolerate but respect" gay people.

"The Conservative Party is at its best when it is prepared for change. We must aspire to lead Britain as she is not as she was," he said.

The party that had opposed Jewish rights and women's rights had produced the first Jewish prime minister.

"Who dare say that we will not as a party produce this country's first gay prime minister. I would not fight against it and I would not bet against it," Bercow said.