God speed the plough says JRM

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He may have enraged Joan Walley and earned himself a ticking off from the deputy Speaker, but Jacob Rees-Mogg brightened up a dessicated debate earlier today (scroll to 14:10:57).

"When I was a child," he began.

"I had a mug that detailed the wonderful and famous lines:

'Let the wealthy and great

'Roll in splendour and state.

'I envy them not, I declare it,

'For I eat my own lamb,

'My own chickens and ham;

'I shear my own fleece and I wear it.

'I have lawns; I have bowers.

'I have fruits; I have flowers,

'The lark is my morning alarmer.

'So jolly boys now,

'Here's God speed the plough.

'Long life and success to the farmer."

JRM is fast becoming one of the standout stars of the 2010 intake.

His speaking style is OTT polite, deliciously anachronistic, defiantly young fogeyish - Rees-Mogg is posh and proud of it.

His somewhat indulgent poetry recital during the debate on Robert Flello's private members bill on sustainable livestock enraged Labour MP Joan Walley.

"On a point of order, Mr Evans. I have come here today to support the Bill promoted by my hon. Friend the Member for Stoke-on-Trent South (Robert Flello) and to introduce the Second Reading of my Public Bodies (Sustainable Food) Bill, on behalf of many thousands of people in the UK who care about food, who do not want poetry recited in the House of Commons and who, in the run-up to the 800th anniversary celebrations of the Magna Carta, want this place to be dealing with real issues about sustainable food.

"Is it not time that the business leaders of the House of Commons, with Mr Speaker and you, Mr Deputy Speaker, find a way to deal with Bills such as mine, which are not mischievous, which deserve to go into Committee to be properly discussed, in the interest of public health, and which are supported by organisations such as Sustain?

"People expect the House of Commons to give a proper hearing to the real debate, so what can be done?"

Deputy Speaker Nigel Evans was all sympathy.

"I will bring the hon. Lady’s comments to the attention of Mr Speaker on Monday morning," he soothed.

"I know how frustrating a private Members' day can be when you have the second, third or fourth Bill to be presented.

"I am a veteran of Friday mornings and I have been fortunate enough to have had several private Members’ Bills, one of which had fair wind from the Government and sailed through.

"The others did not, so I know how frustrated she might be."

He had a warning for JRM too.

"Before Mr Rees-Mogg resumes his speech, may I say that I hope he will confine his comments to the Bill and there will be no further repetitions of the poetry, as interesting as it was?"

He promised to be good, and went on to deliver another brilliant Commons speech, peppered both with humour and serious intent. Here are some highlights.

"Our countryside was made by God and the farmer; it was not made by bureaucrats in Westminster or in Whitehall."

"The Bill could be re-titled “Sustainable Livestock (Motherhood and Apple Pie) Bill”, a Bill that everybody agrees with and thinks is wonderful. However, that raises a question of parliamentary procedure. Is it right for us to pass laws that do not actually do anything specific, but just talk vaguely about how nice the world could and should be, if only we all clubbed together, rallied round and jollied along?"

"I imagine that apple pie would be the responsibility of DEFRA, because it is food, and that motherhood would be covered by the Secretary of State with responsibility for welfare, but this is not how laws ought to be made."

"Some people like Kobe beef, but I think it rather fatty and that one can get better beef from Somerset. That is the answer to most of our food problems. I want my eggs from Somerset too."

"I had hoped that someone might mention the Empress of Blandings, the only pig in history to win the silver medal at the Shropshire show for three successive years."

"There is entente cordiale, as long as it is not about agriculture. As soon as it is about agriculture, we are back to Agincourt and Crécy."

"If we think of the French, we need only think of the riots that we had the other day; French students do that day in, day out."

"They (the French) will take to the streets if we try to attack subsidies across the European spectrum. People in this country—Ministers and even Prime Ministers, with all the authority that Prime Ministers have—have not been able to wean the French off their subsidies. We may share a Navy with them, but we find it difficult to share subsidies so easily."

"Are we now to say to the few farmers who have continued—who have strived and worked hard—that all their effort is in vain because though they were scourged with whips before, now they will be scourged with scorpions? Perhaps the Bill should be renamed the Scorpions Bill for that purpose."

"I have already mentioned the chicken farmer in North East Somerset, in Burnett, and that fine family who attend to their chickens there. They are out-competed, day in, day out, by Thai production."

"Hon. Members may think that Thai eggs are not really what they want. They may feel that Thai chicken is not their cup of tea. It is not mine, certainly; it tends to be a bit spicy."

"Like alcoholics whom one cannot necessarily wean off the bottle straight away, one cannot wean industry off subsidies overnight."

"The House was much divided over the corn laws, the argument for which was cheap bread. The argument against the Bill may well be cheap meat."

"I want the shoppers of North East Somerset to be able to get access to affordable, good-quality meat and not to have the wealthy and great telling them that they cannot afford that meat and that they must only have vegetables, or something terrible like that."

"Most people do not really like vegetables, particularly people who are meat-eaters. Those of us who are meat-eaters could do with a few chips on the side, but we do not want to be forced by Opposition Members to eat our greens, whether they be cauliflower or cabbages, spinach or marrows, turnips or carrots. I particularly dislike carrots, and I remember that George Bush Senior got into terrible trouble—"

Cut off in his prime, the debate ended.